She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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