No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
