he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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