i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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