I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
