well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
