I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
