It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
