whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
