Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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