So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
