I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
