I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
