my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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