John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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