There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
