Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
