I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
