When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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