Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
