That's when you crack a 10am beer
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
