I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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