I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
