I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
