Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
