Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
