I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
