So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
