my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
