You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
