If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
