Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
