My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
