Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
