So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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