Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
