I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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