It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it hurts more in the daytime
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
