There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
