Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
