dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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