I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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