It was confusing and full of hummus
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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