I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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