ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
