Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
