So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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