He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
