He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
