I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
