My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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